Alien Pirate Thieves.

A slew of battery robbery has popped up all over the world, almost %1200 up tick in less then two months. After exhaustive research our operatives have found the culprits. Alien Pirates... They may also be ghosts.

What they are doing with all the batteries is any ones guess. But we think It may have something to do with reproduction.

Alex Jones gets beaten up by Ninja bears.

Alex Jones has been the target of yet another attack, this time by ninja bears. Our sources tell us that Jones was attacked by not one but two of the ninja ursine in a parking lot in Texas and after a blazing gunfight had to fleet from the godless killing machines.

It is unknown yet how many rounds where fired, but our eye witness states that "Et musta been huderds of shots." Alex Jones has failed to file any police report and did not answer our messages. Many in his camp say that he is simply embarrassed that his assault rifle could not take down the threat.

We are still not quite sure if the Ninja Bears where biological bears... or leather wherein bearded gay men.

More info when It comes to us.

Facebook to require microchip implants!

In a internal e-mail from Facebook, top "technologists" have announced that the social media websight will require its users to have implants by the year 2017. Its not clear as of yet what the implants will do but the memo stated "Increased connectivity."